Great stuff from The Onion's The Annual Year: The Top 10 Stories of the Last 4.5 Billion Years.
... "In fact, we now believe that alcohol-fueled revelry paralleled and probably influenced the practice of the ill-advised hookup, the rambling apology for the previous night's behavior, and poetry," [said Yu Wei Lin of the Beijing Institute of Dance Studies].
The best, of course, is this: Sumerians Look on in Confusion as God Creates World:
"I do not understand," reads an ancient line of pictographs depicting the sun, the moon, water, and a Sumerian who appears to be scratching his head. "A booming voice is saying, 'Let there be light,' but there is already light. It is saying, 'Let the earth bring forth grass,' but I am already standing on grass."
"Everything is here already," the pictograph continues. "We do not need more stars."